Emily's Reasons Why Not Page 20

  “You’ve stopped with the lists, haven’t you?” He begins what I know is going to be a speech.

  I shrug.

  “Good.” I look up at his sort-of proud face. “I do care about you, Emily,” he says softly. “I want you to be happy, and you may be past that work.”

  Dr. D. gets up, opens his arms.

  I stand and he gives me a huge hug.

  I push back and look in his eyes. “I know I can survive any man, mortgage payments, management issues, and carrying in the groceries, but it all makes me, I dunno, a little sad to be so damn self-sufficient.”

  “You’ve become your own prince and life is just a little scary, but it’s good,” he sighs.

  “I know, and I am okay with it. You know, I never wanted someone to save me. I just wanted someone to love me. And somewhere along the way, I learned to love myself.”

  “I understand,” he says, gently setting me down on that couch where I have spent a hundred hours.

  “I think that maybe my picker or my ‘flutter, flutter’ for men is broken.” I say matter-of-factly.

  “Your picker is not broken,” he says. “The good thing is, you kept your heart open, Emily. You are not one of the ones I worry about living ‘the good life.’ You already are. You have something magical in you that lights up even this room. You’ve been trying to prove you’re successful and witty and sporty. That you’re a good cook and that you’ll make a perfect soccer mom and wife someday. Somehow trying to fit into some man’s blueprint of his life.” He looks me in the eye. “But you just have to be you,” he sets down his yellow pad, “because you’re amazing.”

  The light just caught the sparkle of Dr. D.’s white teeth as he smiled. He has a great smile. He’s still talking, but I am caught in the sound of his smooth, sexy tone saying: “… with a big heart that gets you in so much trouble.”

  My eyes drift down as if I’m embarrassed and land on the brown hairs of his strong forearms, as if I have never seen them before.

  “There is a guy out there who deserves you—and he’s going to hold your hand when you cross the street.” He takes a breath and continues, “He’s going to dance with you in a movie theater when the credits are rolling. He’s going to sweep you off your feet and make you feel like everything that you have gone through was to finally be with that one man.” He lets out a little chuckle. “And he’ll be your equal, which is no easy job. You will have that picket-fence life at the beach, because you already do, and now you just have to open your eyes to that person who is finally going to really, deeply love you.”

  Flutter. Flutter.

  I am frozen, gazing in his big brown eyes with the promise of a happy tomorrow.

  “Time’s up,” he says, standing.

  I sit in my Rover, dumbfounded. I can’t put the key in the engine. I can’t move. I see Dr. D. roll past the parking structure in his Bronco towing his classic, cleaned-up, sparkling wooden boat with a huge mast and white sail ready to be pulled taunt. I eye the back of her, looking for her name, and it says … Smooth Sailing.

  I can’t help but laugh.

  I want to follow him, to catch him, to tell him, because I can’t think of one reason why not. I find myself wondering …

  Would it be a bad thing to date your doctor?

  Helpful Hints from Emily

  INDEX OF REASONS

  Keep It Out of the Office

  Reason #10: You get fired.

  Reason #9: Crying at work is unacceptable.

  Reason #8: People will talk about how well you perform in bed verses how well you perform your job.

  Reason #7: If your friends, mentors, and co-workers think your boyfriend has ulterior motives, he probably does.

  Reason #6: If what you’re doing for your boyfriend can get you fired, stop doing him.

  Reason #5: If you have to hide your relationship, it isn’t worth hiding.

  Reason #4: If helping your boyfriend makes you lie to your friends, boss, and mentor, don’t help him.

  Reason #3: That which is considered scandal in a relationship is bad, really, really, bad.

  Reason #2: If there are kitschy little sayings about the guy you’re dating, there is probably a universal reason why it is a bad idea.

  Reason #1: If your boss is bigger than life in your company, that doesn’t necessarily mean he is bigger than life in real life.

  Leave it in St. Croix

  Reason #10: Face it, we’re all different on vacation.

  Reason #9: You will spend two months trying to get back to those few perfect days in paradise.

  Reason #8: If you are rooted, choose carefully where, when, and with whom to replant.

  Reason #7: It was the best it’s going to be on vacation.

  Reason #6: He should have offered.

  Reason #5: Your phone bills could buy you a new pair of Gucci loafers every month.

  Reason #4: Beware of the love bug on vacation.

  Reason #3: He’s not who you think he is.

  Reason #2: When you don’t want the answer, it’s probably bad.

  Reason #1: Beware of promises made in paradise. Men talk about the possibility of a future with you on a romantic island when you are tan and easy-breezy, but it never makes the flight home.

  Don’t Go Pro

  Reason #10: If your man seems too good to be true, he probably is.

  Reason #9: Wondering if I was the only one or a priority at all.

  Reason #8: Waiting, knowing the game will soon be over.

  Reason #7: Too much competition makes me batty.

  Reason #6: He doesn’t read, except for the sports page and the highlights on ESPN at the bottom of the TV screen.

  Reason #5: He lives in two different cities.

  Reason #4: By design, he is going to be constantly leaving me.

  Reason #3: He owns more than one cell phone.

  Reason #2: He will be sleeping in eighty-one different hotel beds in six months … possibly with eighty-one different women.

  Reason #1: He “plays” for a living.

  Gay/Straight

  Reasons #7, 8, 9, and 10: No sex.

  Reason #6: You don’t need any more reasons when they won’t have sex with you.

  Reason #5: Rejection from your partner is unacceptable.

  Reason #4: Tests of any kind set your partner up to fail.

  Reason #3: Animal haters need not apply.

  Reason #2: A man/woman relationship without sex is called … “just friends.”

  Reason #1: You should never have to wonder why a man doesn’t want to have sex with you. Because no matter what the answer is … it isn’t good.

  Arm Candy

  Reason #10: When you’re not sad he is not the one, maybe it isn’t a bad thing.

  Reason #9 1/2: Your boyfriend shouldn’t have to ask permission.

  Reason #9: You’ll always pay as he hasn’t had an adult job … as he isn’t an adult.

  Reason #8: Too much paying will end a relationship.

  Reason #7: Leaving lunch money for your boyfriend is a no-no.

  Reason #6: I don’t want to be the boss at home.

  Reason #5: If you want to dress up your boyfriend, buy a Ken doll.

  Reason #4: He lives with his parents.

  Reason #3: When your therapist flat-out tells you that the guy you’re dating is wrong for you, he probably is.

  Reason #2: Male or female, dating someone in college is too young if you’re in your thirties.

  Never, Never, Never … Go Back

  Reason #10: It doesn’t matter what is happening, it only matters how you feel.

  Reason #9: When they ask you to hang on, it’ll feel like you’re hanging from your neck.

  Reason #8: They absolutely must be willing to fight for you because if you’re fighting every battle yourself, then you’re still alone.

  Reason #7: Hold on to reality or you’re choosing insanity.

  Reason #6: When things go bad you see the real man.

  Rea
son #5: If he’s always leaving, he has to go.

  Reason #4: Never listen to a man who says he “knows you” when he doesn’t. He knows what he wants to know.

  Reason #3: If and when a guy who completely wrecked you shows up again and wants back in, he must be willing to work extra hard to get you back. He can’t just slip away like a shadow at dusk. He must be tenacious, must prove that he will never, never, never do whatever he did again and that this time it will be different.

  Reason #2: If there was a reason you left, remember what it was. At some point, if you take them back, they will leave you or you’ll leave them AGAIN and probably for the same reasons you left in the first place.

  Reason #1: If it feels like a test, it probably will be.

  Don’t Date Your Dad

  Reason #10: If he’s going to die of old age before your children are in junior high, he’s too old for you!!!

  Reason #9: Don’t be a float at the old folks’ parade.

  Reason #8: No matter how old someone is, no one knows you better than you know yourself.

  Reason #7: You’re not my dad, so don’t tell me what to do.

  Reason #6: There is no substitute for the real thing.

  Reason #5: When your therapist knows, you know … he’s probably the wrong guy.

  Reason #4: If you like his life more than you like him, it makes it hard to be objective.

  Reason #3: Compromise is compromise no matter what season of life you’re in.

  Reason #2: If you’re not over your ex, you’re not ready, no matter how old you are.

  Reason #1: If his age is old enough to notice, it’s old enough to matter.

  Acknowledgments

  There are many people to thank and acknowledge for this book. I know I’ll forget more than one and kick myself later. But here it goes … let’s start at the beginning.

  First I need to thank God for helping me along the way. For not answering many of my prayers but instead for answering the ones that led me to the life I am now living.

  In a subplot of thanking God, I received a little angel January 23,2005 when I gave birth to my daughter, Charli Alleene. People say it is a miracle but you truly never understand until they lay that graceful, helpless, beautiful child in your arms. We named her after two very dear people—one, her daddy—and two, her grandmother Alleene, also known as Deed. My child fills me with an inner sense of peace and purpose I never knew possible. She is the one thing I know without question I was meant to do in this life.

  To my mom, Sandy, who without a lot of money raised two kids but had enough love, hugs, Barry Manilow, and Barbra Streisand to sustain us for a lifetime. She made me who I am, a fighter and a dreamer with a heart as big as her own. Mainly she taught me to believe in myself and never give up. She is my constant source of unconditional love. To my gram, Deed, for making Sunday dinners at 5:00 P.M. a ritual, for our hikes in the mountains, teaching me to bait a hook, counting chocolate chip cookies, listening to my dreams, cuddling, praying, and being the glue of our family—our angel. My big brother and friend, Jeff, who I am so proud of. Thank you for still watching over me, sharing my life, making me laugh and feel like I belong in this lifetime. My sister-in-law, Laurie, for still loving my brother after ten years, but more than that, for showing me what I really want in life, and bringing Reilly and Brookie into the world. To my Dad, my weekend warrior, my friend, my handyman, my humor. You’re the father I always dreamed of having and more. You’ll never know what it means to me to have my daughter-dad time.

  To Kristy, for understanding and not judging our entire lives! For loving and laughing. You’re the best friend any girl could ever want! You’re my ticket to heaven. To my wing man Holly the talented and loving Mim, and my JJ, who takes care of me day-in and day-out. To Kath K. and Robin, who are just a short drive away. These ladies keep me sane and surround me with women who are smart, sexy, and sassy. And let’s not forget Andrew, who is so much more than a backup donor. My friends’ belief in me is boundless, and their support and shoulders to lean on are only a phone call away.

  To my team: Jennifer Johnson (JJ), for finding the balance and holding the business together on many levels; Grady, for being the hot guy in the office who lets me win at ping-pong; Braunstein, the best guy around, friend, and believer; Abby, for putting up with me and getting Visa paid on time; my handsome, talented agent and manager and ruler of the book universe, Alan Nevins, and his lovely colleague Mindy at The Firm, for championing this book on so many levels and validating me as a writer; my publisher, HarperCollins, the marketing and PR teams, Lindsey Moore—but most important, my stellar editor, Maureen O’Brien, for your patience, finding my book a home, and giving me the ability to let my wings soar; and Dr. Liu and his team for always “calling something in” when I really, really, need it!

  To Anachel’s clients: You’re a chosen group—for your brand, your talent and product, but mainly your great teams that we work with every day. Thank you for making us truly a part of your companies and families. To the many journalists and editors who make the butter on our bread possible. As you all knew, I am a closet writer!

  To the many dates, tears, nights alone, and men who made me wonder “Why?” Now I know … you make good chapters.

  And lastly, but certainly not least, to the love of my life, my husband,# 26, Chuck Cecil. For finding me and rescuing me from a life without knowing what real love from a man and partner felt like. For being on your white horse with your tarnished armor and showing up for this life that we’ve made together, which is more than I thought possible. You marvel me daily with your growth as a kind and powerful man and giving husband. Your pure dedication to everything that you touch is a blueprint of the person you are—from a kid with big dreams to a walk-on at the University of Arizona to Pro Bowl, Sports Illustrated cover boy, and someday being the head coach of a Super Bowl team, I believe! Thank you for giving me my most precious gift, Charli. And for being a loving father, caring daddy and future role model to our ‘lil sunshine. Thank you for supporting my dreams and letting me shine in the spotlight when you’re such a star on your own. For being the peas to my carrots. For being my Forrest. For being patient and understanding when it’s cloudy. For making me feel sexy, wanted, and deserving of the best. You’re my best friend. You’re my beginning and end. Thank you for loving me the way only you can. I’ll always be your girl.

  Writing this acknowledgment makes realize how lucky and blessed I truly am. The people who stand beside me and oftentimes hold me up are the true testament of the woman I am, and the woman I strive to become.

  We all really do deserve to be happy, and I hope that whoever reads this novel laughs a little, relates a little, and feels a little. Thanks for reading it. I’ll leave you with this one closing thought … Never give up your dreams; I am proof that they come true.

  —Carrie

  Copyright

  This book is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, and dialogue are drawn from the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  A hardcover edition of this title was published by William Morrow in August 2004.

  EMILY’S REASONS WHY NOT. Copyright © 2004 by Carrie Gerlach.

  All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

  EPub Edition © AUGUST 2010 ISBN: 978-0-062-03614-8

  FIRST EDITION

  The William Morrow hardcover edition contains the following Library of Congress Cataloging
-in-Publication Data

  Gerlach, Carrie.

  Emily’s reasons why not / Carrie Gerlach.—1st ed.

  p. cm.

  1. Women public relations personnel—Fiction. 2. Dating (Social customs)—Fiction. 3. Los Angeles (Calif.)—Fiction. 4. Mate selection—Fiction. 5. Single Women—Fiction. 6. Lists—Fiction. I. Title.

  PS3603.E28E46 2004

  813′.6—dc22 2003068875

  05 06 07 08 09 WBC/RRD 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

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